Book bhejo...warna...!

a month into becoming publisher and i have the dubious distinction of receiving threat mail:

Hi Manisha,
After going through Peter - he has his constraints, I'll grant that - and Annie, who said she'd forward my mail to you, I'm asking you directly:
I want to buy ten copies of SATCT
I'd like to know the amount I must write on the cheque, including courier charges and bank charges I'd like to have the information within the next two days, please. Failing provision of the information requested I shall be sending print-outs of all emails pertaining to this issue to:

District Consumer Disputes Redressal Forum
692, Pushpa Heights
Bibewadi
Pune 411037

Telephone No.: 24210364 (Registrar), 24217489 (Office)

Thanks,

XXXX

(poor man, i did not wish to embarrass him by using his name in public. after all he provided so much joy!)

i fell of my chair laughing! and then sat back to analyse my position in the real world:
a brand new publisher finds readers who wish to buy more copies of the book! (the fact that the sender of the mail is one of the authors in the collection of short stories did not matter).

imagine the scenario had the sender been flush with time and money...

court scene:

the judge, looks bored out of his wits, he has dealt with tedious complaints all morning.

the complainant, looks smug, because he has rightfully taken an annoying publisher to task

the defender, a publisher (yours truly), looks smug, because she feels completely vindicated for having published a book that people are taking drastic steps to buy.

of course the court is full of media. they want to know why publisher of book is being sued!


complainant
me lud, you have seen the emails, me lud, she won't send me books!

judge
(looks bored)
why wont you send him books?

complainant
(righteous indignation)
i am telling her i shall pay for the books!

judge
(looks bored)
mister mor...let her answer!

publisher
thank you all for coming here. it is a proud day for the indian publishing industry, indeed for all readers of the written word that dee... should have invited me here...

complainant
(further righteous indignation)
see! see! i told you! they will do everything but give me the books!

judge
(looks bored)
let her speak mister (swallows)pak

publisher
as i was saying, i am indeed fortunate to be placed in this enviable position. after all, people have been raving and ranting about how no one reads, how television has encroached upon our reading time...and here is a gent who has written mail after email begging us for books

complainant
i object! i did not beg!

judge
(looking bored)
stop interjecting, but madam, please to explain why you concluded that the complainant was begging

publisher
he cannot prove he was just sitting on the chair at his desk, or was he kneeling in front of the computer, so maybe he wasn't literally begging, but we inferred...

complainant
(righteous indignation)
aha!

judge
(wakes up)
whaa...

well, what d'ya know...i have a confession to make. i received this mail at 11 something pm. unfortunately, i had already couriered the said ten books to the gent that afternoon. obviously, the courier would be delivering the books by the following morning. after having done laughing, i called the courier company. they confirmed that the package had reached pune, and would be delivered the next morning.

i paid them to return the package.